My Dear Caroline,
It has been 12 weeks and 4 days since I last held you in my arms. When it was time for us to go, I literally felt like I had the wind knocked out of me as I handed you back to the nurse. I am not sure how long it was before I could take my next breath. It seemed like an eternity.
We think about you often and Ali always asks me why you had to be an angel instead of her sister. I always tell her you are both an angel and her sister. Always. I thought time was supposed to heal all wounds--even a broken heart. I feel I have been thinking about you more recently as I have been dreading this week as today is your due date and Sunday is Mother's Day. I can't help but think I should be holding you in my arms and not in my heart.
On December 15 (the day the specialist told us he suspected you had Down syndrome) while driving in the car I heard Garth Brooks song "To Make You Feel My Love". And that is exactly how I felt at the time. I couldn't help but rub my belly to make sure you felt my love, regardless of our situation. I still feel the same way, and "There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do... to make you feel my love."
Natalie Babbitt wrote in "Tuck Everlasting", "You can't pick out the pieces you like and leave the rest. Being part of the whole thing, that's the blessing." So, thank you, Caroline, for being a blessing to me.
Love always,
Your mama
